


Packing Up

by A_Shining_Star



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Angst, But with story, Character Study, Comfort, Crying, Homophobia, M/M, With the whole Turn it off thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 20:58:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18818896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Shining_Star/pseuds/A_Shining_Star
Summary: My take on what happened and how Connor felt while he and the packed elders packed up their belonging to return home.





	Packing Up

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this years ago when I was big into BOM and only now decided to post it. I'm sorry in advance for any grammar mistakes you might see. If you point them out to me, I'll make sure to fi them. Thank you for reading and feedback is always welcomed!

“From this day forth, everyone here in District Nine is excommunioned.” 

The words hit him like a ton of bricks. 

His body reacts the same way too because he’s suddenly left breathless, frozen into place. Faintly, he can hear the mission president still talking, still scolding them for their behavior and bastardization of the Book of Mormon, but McKinley can’t hear it. The only time he does is when the suited man turned towards him. Even with his eyes glued to his ground in shame, he can feel the anger washing off of him in waves.

“How could you let this happen?”

McKinley isn’t sure what hurts the most. The words or the disappointing tone they’re dripping in, but it cuts deep. Slicing at what little shred of hope and dignity he had left as he drowns under the weight of the tsunami crashing down upon him.

“You were in charge! It was your job to keep everyone in check and make sure something like this didn’t happen, Elder.”

He spat out the title. Like it had poison in his mouth, and if there was ever point throughout this whole lecture McKinley wanted to cry at, it was now. It took all his willpower not to sink to the wood floor of the hut and start crying into his knees, squishing himself down into the smallest ball he could contort into as the mission president continued to stare him down.

“It would seem the mission council were wrong about giving you the leader position.”

McKinley is blinking back the tears. On either sides side of him, he can see the others shuffling uncomfortably. He wants to say Thomas, on his left, gave him a reassuring brush of his hand, but seeing as the president didn’t say anything about it, he must have imagined it. 

“I will see to it that I personally tell the council about this.”

And then, as if nothing had changed, as if he hadn’t just ruined everything McKinley tried to work towards, he moves on.

A part of him is thankful that he doesn’t focus in on another Elder in a similar fashion because while they may not be good Mormons anymore, they were still good people. 

Even if they messed up a little...

...Some more than others.

McKinley didn’t know when they were dismissed, but the next thing he knew Thomas had an arm around him, easing him out of the living room and into their shared bedroom at the end of the hallway. It’s only when Thomas deposits him on the bed does he let his head fall into his hands and actually cry. Becoming a shivering, sobbing mess of sorrow, guilt, regret, and fear.

Fear.

The last time he was this scared was when his dad had caught him and Steven, and he-

Fresh tears are rolling down his face before he can stop them. He can sense Thomas lingering around him. He’s not quite making an effort to comfort him, but he doesn’t blame him. This is the first time he has ever cried, like truly cried, in front of him. He’s usually able to turn it off before it got this far, but it wasn’t working this time around. No matter how hard he tries to stuff the big bubble of sadness and fear into a box, it just overflows out and through each wracking sob.

He not sure how long he sit there, crying his heart out, until Thomas gains enough courage to hug him. It’s not as tight as McKinley would have liked it to be. It’s almost like he’s afraid if he holds onto him too much he’ll break in two and honestly, he does feel like that. So he takes what Thomas gives him and hugs back. Practically clinging to him and willing himself to listen to the words of comfort spilling out of Thomas.

It does help a lot surprisingly. McKinley can’t remember the last time he was hugged. Any strange need like that had been boxed up for years and locked far, far, far away behind an impenetrable steel wall.  
Well, not entirely impenetrable. 

The cracks had started a few weeks ago, but they had been so small he thought he could just patch them up with a smile here and a laugh there. Just anything to stop the splintering dam from breaking inside of him and everything rushing out.

Everything.

And the thought of everything spilling out is enough to make him start crying again. 

 

~*~

 

McKinley can't remember packing his bag, but when he follows Thomas out of their room about an hour later, he suddenly has his luggage with him. All pink and ready to be filed away on a bus, then a plane, then home.

Home. 

Would he even be able to go home? What would his parents think? What would his dad think? Being exiled from the church is-is-

Just thinking about it causes his eyes to sting. 

Thomas is still there thankfully. Offering a comforting pat on the back and taking his luggage from him so he can lean against the wall of the hallway. There were no tears. McKinley didn’t think he could deal with himself walking in their with red eyes and puffy cheeks. Definitely not when he had worked so hard spending the last few minutes trying to get rid of them to look presentable for the others. 

For Kevi-

McKinley felt like throwing up. 

It wouldn’t have surprised him if he did. It’s what normally happens when catches himself thinking about those things, but by some sheer willpower he didn’t know he had left, he didn’t. Just bit his bottom lip and shook his head, hoping it would dislodge it.

Hoping it would turn it off. 

“Do you need a few more minutes?”

Thomas’s voice was soft and full of concern, his hand finding its way up to McKinley’s shoulder to give it a caring squeeze. 

“We can do back to the bedroom if you want.”

Not trusting his own voice, McKinley breathe in calmly, slowly, before shaking his head. He had to keep it together. He was the leader after all. Everyone was going to be looking to him for guidance and he had to be there for them by being strong and great instead of...this.

Turn it off.

McKinley pushed himself off the wall, fixing Thomas with an apologetic glaze as the other boy handed him back his luggage.

“I’m okay. I think I’m ready.”

He tried to sound like he was ready, but judging by the sympathetic expression that flashed across Thomas’ features, he didn’t. Nonetheless, Thomas didn’t point it out and for that, McKinley was more that grateful for their friendship as he stepped forward, giving him hug for the longest second before taking the lead.

As they moved into the living room, McKinley doesn’t need to look up to know that the other Elders were already there, He can sense they standing around and he can hear them whispering among themselves, too lost in their own conversations that it takes them a moment to stop when they join them by the window.

He isn’t bombarded with questions, but he can feel them hanging in the air around and he can tell by the look in some of their eyes that they’re equally as scared at him. It’s partially comforting in a way to know he’s not the only one that’s afraid, but it’s also brings a sickening feeling of failure with it because he did fail. 

He failed and he had nothing to say or show for it.

“Uh-”

Hearing how broken, how weak his voice sounded made him cringe and he quickly clearing his throat before trying to address them again. This time managing to lift his head to look at them fully.

“We have a hour before the bus arrives. We should say our goodbyes to the villagers.”

There wasn’t much of an reaction. A few of them solemnly nodded while the others kept their eyes down, looking absolutely crestfallen as they gathering up the luggage around their feet and took their time to file out through the door. Even with them dragging their feet, some of them prolonging the inevitable by pausing in the threshold to give the house one last look over, Thomas and McKinley soon found themselves the only ones left.

After a moment however, probably after waiting for him to say something, one final grand statement as district leader, Thomas took the initiative and followed the others outside. 

McKinley never realized how loud the screen door squeaked when it closed. There seemed to be a lot of things he never noticed about their temporary housing all of the sudden, but he could also see them through the window, lingering around the front of their house.

The house.

It wasn’t no longer ‘theirs’.

Blinking away the burning, McKinley tighten his grip on the handle of his case and pushed forward. Making sure he was out of the house before he would allowed himself to start breathing again.

 

~*~

 

“Woah, woah! Elders! Where do you think you’re going?”

Price called out, sounding exceedingly far too happy for himself. 

Or for McKinley. Definitely after they had just made their last trek from the mission HQ to the village to find not only Elder Price, but Elder Cunningham and the villagers being overjoyed about…

Well, he didn’t know what it was about, but since they had been given a direct order, and he clearly remembers both of them there during it, not seeing them packed and ready was enough to bring some fire back into him. 

Certainly since they were the reason they were in this mess to begin with. 

And if McKinley shot him an irritated stare, he didn’t feel one bit bad for it.

“What do you mean ‘Where are we going’? We’ve been shut down.”

“Yea, we have to go home.”

Thomas backed him up, living up to his status as the leader’s aide by taking on a similar firm tone as McKinley did.

Still, that smile on Price’s face never faltered, not even once as he threw his arms out on either sides of him, holding his head up high.

“Who says we have to?”

That. 

That was surprising to say the least. It wasn’t what McKinley expected at all and honestly, it caused him to gawk at him in a state of disbelief. 

“...What?” 

“You guys, we wanted to do on a mission so we could spend two years of our lives living someplace exciting and helping people right?”

His voice held a challenging tone to it. As if he was daring one of them to disagree with him, but of course, they don’t because that was what a mission was all about. Even if it wasn’t, it wouldn’t have changed anything.

Ever so slowly, McKinley finally nodded.

“Yea?”

Price’s grin grew that much wider, and McKinley felt his stomach twist with something as he locked eyes with him.

“Well so let’s do it.”

How he still manage to shock and surprise into silence him is nothing short of miracle really. And the fact he kept his eyes fixated on him long afterwards didn’t help. They were shining with confidence and determination and-

Turn it off.

Besides, he was meant to be angry at him for everything he has done. Not...these sinful emotions.

“But the mission president said we’re all about the farthest thing from Latter day saints as it gets.”

Bless Elder Church for piping in when he did. It gave a reason for Price to look away so McKinley could breath out the large breath he didn’t realize he had been holding.

“No, no. You guys.”

Price sighed, appearing defeated for a second before his expression hardened and-

“Fuck him.”

McKinley wasn’t sure if it was him or someone else that gasped. Maybe it had been all of them simultaneously at his sudden outburst, but no one made an attempt to stop him as he continued.

“We are still latter day saints. All of us.”

He added, punctuating it by gesture to everyone, both the elders in front of him and the villagers standing behind him.

“Even if we change some things, or we break the rules or-or if we have complete doubt God exist…”

The fire he had seemed to disappear and he was abruptly left looking downtrodden, his head falling a little to staring at the ground in front of him in thought. However, he didn’t think about it for long. He just breath out another sigh and looked up, squaring his shoulders as his hands clenched at his sides. 

“I was wrong earlier. Latter day doesn’t mean afterlife. It means tomorrow. We’re all latter saints and just because we don’t know what the future holds, it doesn’t change it at all. I mean, who cares what happens when we’re dead and we shouldn’t think that far ahead honestly. The only latter day that matters is tomorrow and I don’t know about you guys, but I want to wake up and be here tomorrow. Where I can continue to help the people of Uganda. Instead of going home and-and do what? Sit around all day and pray we get accepted back into the church?”

He was breathing heavy, pausing only enough to wipe away a sheen of sweat that had gathered on his forehead before looking at each and everyone of them. 

Including McKinley. And if he hadn’t been worried about how fast his heart had been beating, he was when it instantly stopped as Price fastened him with the longest stare, smiling a bit.

“What do you say?”

A part of McKinley’s mind told him Price was just waiting for someone, anyone really, to agree with him, but as shameful as it may be, the other part of him sort of hoped he was waiting for him to answer. After all he was still staring at him. Even when the other Elders broke out into whispers among themselves behind McKinley, he continued to only watch him and him alone. Still smiling that smile that almost seemed to glow in the afternoon sun and-

Turn it off. Turn it off. Turn it of-

“Screw the church.”

His voice sounded so foreign, so different to his ears that it took McKinley a moment to realize he had been the one that said it. It also took him slightly longer to realize how quiet Elders gotten at his declaration that he nearly forgot all about them as he offered Price the smallest of smiles, trying to ignore the way his heart fluttered as Price’s grin widen. 

“Why don’t we stay?”

Unlike before at the house, the reaction is instant.

“But the mission president said?”

“Can we do that?”

“Is this legal?”

The questions, coupled with them rushing McKinley, is nothing short than chaotic. As district leader, he was use to it usually, but there’s was something about it this time that leaves him overwhelmed and lost as seven nineteen-year-olds crowd around him. Each of their faces holding a mixture of fear and hope. 

James is most desperate, grabbing at one of his arm as he stares at him and, for a second, McKinley’s forced to dwell on the horrifying memory he isn’t the only one that doesn’t want to see their family again.

“Guys.”

Price’s voice rises above the commotion and immediately silence falls on them, intently listening as he clears his throat.

“When I was studying about the missions in school, there was a little, itty bitty, thing we could try to ask for. It’s called a ‘Cooling Off’ period and it’s basically where we’re still technically excommunicated, but we’re still part of the church. It’s kind of like limbo in a sense.”

“Oh. I know what that is.” 

It wasn’t exactly a whisper. More like a shushed, normal version of Cunningham's voice as he leaned in closer to Nabal.

“That’s a really cool game where you-”

“Arnold.” 

Price cut him off before he could start and McKinley was grateful for that. Even if he was mostly grateful for the exasperated look Price shot over his shoulder at his companion. 

It was kind of…

Despite the attempt to stop it, the familiar churning in his stomach happens nonetheless. The only blessing is that’s it’s not as strong as usual, but it’s enough to make him close his eyes as he takes one, two, three deep breaths, riding out the waves of nausea the only way he knew how.

“-McKinley, we have to go right now.”

Hearing his name brought all of his senses back to reality. Partially, he wished it hadn’t because when he opened his eyes, Price is standing right infront of him. Grinning and looking, dare he say it, much like an overexcited puppy being offered a treat for the first time.

“We have to catch the Mission President before he gets on that bus to Kampala. He’ll probably take into consideration that you’re the leader and everything.”

Sounds of agreement came from both parties, though the villagers were more zealous about it while the Elders just spoke words of encouragement to McKinley, patting his shoulders and back. It hardly registers however. Definitely not when his chest hurts and he couldn’t do nothing other than hope his blush could be mistaken as the beginnings of a sunburn as he shyly smiled back. 

“Let’s go.”


End file.
